Thoughts: Catfish

[sitaangel]

I don’t always get people who have online romantic relationships with people they’ve never met. It’s the people who fall in love with someone online and have a relationship with this person for years without ever meeting the person that I don’t get. Why haven’t they met yet?

In this day and age with webcams and the like, you should be able to ask the person you’re dating online to prove they are who they really say they are and they should be willing to prove it. When you watch a show like Catfish you realize just how many people are out there that are in an online relationship and they don’t truly know if the person is who they say they are. These people have to be so trusting and naive to date someone who has excuse after excuse as to why they can’t meet them or someone who won’t prove who they are on webcam. I really don’t get how someone can be that trusting. If I was dating someone online I would want to meet them and if the person kept coming up with excuses as to why they couldn’t meet me, I’d be like bye-bye.

I really don’t understand how someone can fall completely in love with a person they’ve never met either. I know that it does happen to people and I’m not saying it can’t. I just don’t understand how it happens. Maybe it is one of those things that would have to happen to you before you understand it??

My relationship with Willie, 80% of it was online. It had to be seeing as he lived halfway across the country. We had met on a dating site. After talking to him for a while I did think to myself I like this guy and I’d like to meet him. I did meet him and hung out with him before I decided to date him and it was sometime after that when I fell in love with him. I sometimes wonder if I would have still fallen in love with him if I hadn’t met him when I did. Hmm.

I will say that I do know the one good thing about online relationships is that you learn so much about the person because all you can do is talk.

So, any of you been in an online relationship with someone? If so, how did it come about and how did it go for you? What are your thoughts on this? I’m curious.

Comments

[music-girl.livejournal.com]

I haven't been on dating relationships but I have had long term friendships. I guess you have to remember that yes, there are con artists out there but there are also, off-line too. You could run into as many people like that off-line as on-line . I do agree that it's difficult though in a lot of ways. For me it's hard 'cause most people don't understand why I act the way I do. So off-line can be easier. I'm sure for you it's not difficult. Sorry rambling.
-Kris/Sissy

[noir-au-blanc.livejournal.com]

I can understand it to some extent as Im the type of person who really tries to get underneath the skin of those that I fall for.. Ron I wouldn't class as online as we don't talk online LOL, we never met online, we actually met when he was in NZ and looking for somewhere to live and so he moved in .. but its gone the other way know that he's back overseas we fell for each other.. just oddity but it works for the most part.. timezones and all.

But yeah I can understand to an extent maybe not if you were never exchange photos, talk on skype, venture outside a platform on the pc ie.. chatrooms, journals or whatever it is people use to hook up. Then I'd be inclined to think Scam or loser..

But people who make such an effort like my friend whose just flew over the UK this week to meet her other half that she met here I think thats incredibly sweet and they are so happy at the moment just getting to know each other outside of the phone, skype and pc :)

[promised.livejournal.com]

My ex-husband (who is still a dear friend) & I met online first & fell in love that way before meeting. It was several years before we were able to be in the same city as well. It IS possible for it to happen. I think it really depends on the people involved.

[nucleosides.livejournal.com]

I've tried it in the past, but it always backfires on me. I'm a very visual person, and I generally have to be able to be near the person whenever I want to hang out with them or else it's not going to work.

[blackheart19.livejournal.com]

With my disabilities the way they are, i've had a lot of online relationships 99% of them i've met up with and had proper face to face relationships with. This includes ben and this one has turned out rather well :D

I've had one online relationship that was solely online, this was because he lived in america and i live in england and neither of us have the money to go trooping halfway around the world to meet. But i've webcammed him, which was fun, nothing kinky, just chatting and i got to show him bits and pieces he found interesting, like tshirts, posters, etc. but we didn't do this until quite a long since it started, this was due to me being nervous about seeing people on webcam (autism: bad with meeting new people) and i didn't and couldn't afford a webcam myself. But we swapped photos back and forth, again, nothing kinky.

I don't like kinky stuff online and as soon as i talk to someone who starts to lean that way, i get suspicious and just block and delete them. Because clearly they have an agenda, other than just getting to know someone. But with dan, i never had that problem. I've known him for about 11 years this year and we had an on and off again romance for about 3 years before we just became good friends - our circumstances had changed because we had found other people that we were dating face to face, so we let it go. It wasn't a big thing, it was just nice. And it's good that we could flow and adapt like that. I still hear from him time to time and he's married now with a couple of kids and he knows about ben and we just have a bit of a catch up and we talk about history and religion - he's astrau.

So yeh, i think it works really well with some people, but others they prefer meeting face to face and getting to know someone that way. Whereas i prefer to get to know someone online, because you get to know their personality better, there's no other distractions. But you do have the risk of getting a person wrong. Ben is terrible online, he comes across as a bit of a weirdo lol and i did actually run the risk meeting him, but i had talked to him online and there was no kinky business. So in my mind i had judged him as being a certain way, but as i got to know him face to face i found him to be totally different. He's sweet and lovely and totally not a jerk that i had misjudged him to be. So yeh... Not sure where i'm going with this now haha.

[taoteliung.livejournal.com]

I've had a couple different relationships that have had their starts online. While every situation has been unique, there has been constants that have proven to be consistent among all of them. Really though it's not much different from making a close friend online, the difference is just how much gravity getting a message from that person has in your life. Eventually I would reach a point where there was an acknowledgement that the highlight of my day was getting to talk to them, after which a conversation was had inquiring over the possibility of a next step. Though I have never had a reason to doubt who I was talking to, for one I'm paranoid by nature so there's always a period of verifying information before allowing anything to progress too far.

I hate to say it, but I'd actually prefer to start a relationship online. Just because whether we want to acknowledge it or not, we are creatures that are attracted to aesthetics. We sometimes let physical attraction dictate how we react around people... but the truth is beauty fades and in the end all that's left is conversation... which when dealing with online relationships, is the absolute staple. I admit that I've had some online relationships that have gone sour before we met in person... but these have been issues that revolve around communication... and I think talking online first shines in the regard. Communication is key to maintaining a relationship as well... so if you can make it work online, as long as people have been genuine... it should work fine in person as well.

I've just recently been introduced to the concept of catfishing though, and it's caused an increased hesitation towards meeting people online. I've actually made a ongoing commitment to representing who I am through text accurately, so upon suddenly realizing people actively aim to deceive others, has taken the flavor out of it.

I'm rambling, but I believe whole heartedly that love can be found through text. I believe distance can create a firm foundation quicker then a more local option and I also believe that the demands of maintaining a online relationship works as a built in filter to cycle out people who are "incompatible". But only when both people make an effort to be genuine... which if they truly are looking for something real, they will be. If not... well... even the local dating scene is filled with uncertainty of motive. Different medium, same problems.

[anxious-hearts.livejournal.com]

I've done it many a time. The last story I told started online initially, and we eventually moved to talking on the phone and then living together. Didn't work out for other reasons, but I've been around the block too many times to be fooled.

Currently, I'm dealing with someone that used to be fun to talk to, but she's being super clingy and annoying... and we haven't even met yet. I can't deal with this nonsense.