Who Am I? ~ The Love v4 Edition
Jul. 23rd, 2018 11:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sitaangelI used to do these entries every two years. It's been almost five years since the last one. Clearly, I'm overdue on this one. The reason I've kept putting off writing this one is because nothing has changed since the last one. I'm still unlucky in the love department. I felt like I didn't have any new insights about love to share as well. I was wrong.
You know what, love is a tricky little bastard. It'll sneak up on you when you least expect it and perhaps don't even want it. Why wouldn't someone want love? Maybe the person knows they love a no so good person. Or maybe they know their love won't get them very far.
It's the last for me. What started as a way to kill time almost three years ago has turned into something more for me. Not for him. See, when all this started I was just out of a relationship with what turned out to be an asshole. I wasn't looking to date anyone, but having someone to spend time with was nice. So, why not find someone to waste time away with no expectations. I knew it wasn't ever going to turn into anything. I also knew it wouldn't last long. I would eventually decide it was time to date again and that would be the end of that. Boy, was I wrong. I became comfortable with the way things were and at some point that pesky little bastard called love sneaked up on me. It's taken me a long time to even admit that to myself. I thought if I just ignored it, it would go away. But, alas, it doesn't work that way, does it?
Look, I'm not blind. I know my feelings for this guy will most likely never go anywhere. Things haven't gone anywhere in the past almost three years. I also know I shouldn't necessarily be okay with that. It has kept me from finding someone who would want to make some sort of commitment to me; someone who would be like 'yeah, that's my girlfriend' instead of 'yeah, she's just someone I'm killing time with'.
Maybe I need to have a hard conversation with him just like I had to have with myself. Do I want to? Not really. Why? Because I'm not ready for it to end. I'm not ready to let it go yet and I'm still okay with it. Still content with it.
And just maybe, that is the insight I have that I didn't know I had. Love will happen in many different ways and it will always be different. Maybe it is okay to be content with a love that doesn't resemble anything you've felt before or thought it was.
As always.. Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. ~ Matt Groening
And don't worry, I'll make sure my Who Am I? ~ The Love v5 Edition will be written on time next year. ;)
You know what, love is a tricky little bastard. It'll sneak up on you when you least expect it and perhaps don't even want it. Why wouldn't someone want love? Maybe the person knows they love a no so good person. Or maybe they know their love won't get them very far.
It's the last for me. What started as a way to kill time almost three years ago has turned into something more for me. Not for him. See, when all this started I was just out of a relationship with what turned out to be an asshole. I wasn't looking to date anyone, but having someone to spend time with was nice. So, why not find someone to waste time away with no expectations. I knew it wasn't ever going to turn into anything. I also knew it wouldn't last long. I would eventually decide it was time to date again and that would be the end of that. Boy, was I wrong. I became comfortable with the way things were and at some point that pesky little bastard called love sneaked up on me. It's taken me a long time to even admit that to myself. I thought if I just ignored it, it would go away. But, alas, it doesn't work that way, does it?
Look, I'm not blind. I know my feelings for this guy will most likely never go anywhere. Things haven't gone anywhere in the past almost three years. I also know I shouldn't necessarily be okay with that. It has kept me from finding someone who would want to make some sort of commitment to me; someone who would be like 'yeah, that's my girlfriend' instead of 'yeah, she's just someone I'm killing time with'.
Maybe I need to have a hard conversation with him just like I had to have with myself. Do I want to? Not really. Why? Because I'm not ready for it to end. I'm not ready to let it go yet and I'm still okay with it. Still content with it.
And just maybe, that is the insight I have that I didn't know I had. Love will happen in many different ways and it will always be different. Maybe it is okay to be content with a love that doesn't resemble anything you've felt before or thought it was.
As always.. Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. ~ Matt Groening
And don't worry, I'll make sure my Who Am I? ~ The Love v5 Edition will be written on time next year. ;)
