Who Am I? ~ The Love v2 Edition
Jul. 19th, 2011 04:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sitaangelOver two years ago I wrote the first Love Edition of my Who Am I series. In the two years and some odd months I’ve tried and failed to get into a relationship with a guy, gotten my heart broken, and dated a couple complete asses. What have I learned from those relationships?
1. No matter how much you want to be with someone, it doesn’t mean that you will be. Accept that before you end up getting hurt.
2. Just because someone is the one for you doesn’t mean you are the one of them.
3. Don’t ever date anyone with tons of issues that will affect the relationship. You’ll just end up banging your head against the wall more than you ever thought you would.
4. Everyone and their brother can tell you a guy is a great, nice guy, but that doesn’t mean crap. Apparently even a so-called “nice guy” can be a complete psycho.
Now where do these past relationships leave me? In some ways they leave me wondering why the hell I’m even trying anymore. But, it only makes me wonder that briefly. I’ll think that and then right after I remind myself that I keep trying because I’m not ready to accept that I’ll end up alone for the rest of my life. I really don’t want that so I keep trying.
So, yes, I still believe in a happy ever after that has love in it. I still believe that it will be very, very hard, but well worth it in the end. Yet, my view on it has also changed a bit. When I wrote the last edition I realized that maybe the reason my relationships weren’t working out was because I refused to let these guys get close to me. I’d hold them at a distance. Sure, I’d let myself fall in love with some of them, but never as in love as I could be. I did this so that if (when) the relationship didn’t work out I wouldn’t be horribly hurt. I decided that what I needed to do was let someone get close to me. I tried that with the guy I couldn’t get into a relationship with. I let him close to me while he was too afraid to let me get close to him. As a result I ended up getting hurt even though I never even dated him. Even so, I decided to let another guy get close to me. That didn’t work out so well either and I ended up getting my heart torn out. After that, I said screw it. I can’t deal with being hurt like this over and over. So the last two relationships I didn’t let the guys get close to me and I didn’t get hurt. Now I’m single again and I’m back to do I try to let someone close to me or not again.
I know in order to get my happy ever after I do have to eventually let someone close to me. But, for now I’ve got a wall that’s a mile high up around me. I shall still look for love, but I have to say I’m more jaded about it.
Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. ~ Matt Groening
That above, is where the past two years has left me.
1. No matter how much you want to be with someone, it doesn’t mean that you will be. Accept that before you end up getting hurt.
2. Just because someone is the one for you doesn’t mean you are the one of them.
3. Don’t ever date anyone with tons of issues that will affect the relationship. You’ll just end up banging your head against the wall more than you ever thought you would.
4. Everyone and their brother can tell you a guy is a great, nice guy, but that doesn’t mean crap. Apparently even a so-called “nice guy” can be a complete psycho.
Now where do these past relationships leave me? In some ways they leave me wondering why the hell I’m even trying anymore. But, it only makes me wonder that briefly. I’ll think that and then right after I remind myself that I keep trying because I’m not ready to accept that I’ll end up alone for the rest of my life. I really don’t want that so I keep trying.
So, yes, I still believe in a happy ever after that has love in it. I still believe that it will be very, very hard, but well worth it in the end. Yet, my view on it has also changed a bit. When I wrote the last edition I realized that maybe the reason my relationships weren’t working out was because I refused to let these guys get close to me. I’d hold them at a distance. Sure, I’d let myself fall in love with some of them, but never as in love as I could be. I did this so that if (when) the relationship didn’t work out I wouldn’t be horribly hurt. I decided that what I needed to do was let someone get close to me. I tried that with the guy I couldn’t get into a relationship with. I let him close to me while he was too afraid to let me get close to him. As a result I ended up getting hurt even though I never even dated him. Even so, I decided to let another guy get close to me. That didn’t work out so well either and I ended up getting my heart torn out. After that, I said screw it. I can’t deal with being hurt like this over and over. So the last two relationships I didn’t let the guys get close to me and I didn’t get hurt. Now I’m single again and I’m back to do I try to let someone close to me or not again.
I know in order to get my happy ever after I do have to eventually let someone close to me. But, for now I’ve got a wall that’s a mile high up around me. I shall still look for love, but I have to say I’m more jaded about it.
Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. ~ Matt Groening
That above, is where the past two years has left me.
