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Who Am I? ~ The What I look For In Relationships/Guys Edition
For the longest time I was never extremely picky about what I looked for in a guy. When that didn’t work out so well for me I decided to try and be extremely picky. Well, that ended up not working out so well for me either. Haha. As the years go by I’ve slowly started to realize more and more what I’m looking for. I do believe I’m not to the point where I know with 100% certainty what I want, but for now the following is what I want or need in a relationship or in a guy.
The most important thing I need in a relationship is complete honesty. I have to be able to trust the guy I am with. If he lies to me (no matter how small the lie is) I’m going to have a problem with him. This clearly comes from my trust issues. They are huge, let me tell you. I’ve been lied to so many times in the past that I’m not sure I can even trust anyone anymore. I’ve always gone into new relationships telling myself that I need to ignore my trust issues. I need to not expect the guy to lie to me. I’m often surprised with myself, but I have always managed to push my trust issues to the back of my mind and to not let them interfere with the relationship. Of course, most of those relationships left me with bigger trust issues, but I’d still keep on ignoring them. However, after my last relationship I’m not sure it’s possible to do that anymore. I think this guy was finally the guy who completely shattered my trust and ruined my ability to ignore my trust issues anymore. So, if I am to ever get into another relationship that guy is going to have to prove to me that he won’t lie to me before I even consider dating him.
The needy need not apply. I do not do well at all with needy guys. If a guy wants someone to pay attention to him and to coddle him 24/7, I am definitely not the woman he wants. Even if I wanted to I couldn’t give someone my full attention 24/7 – I have kids for crap sakes! Notice I said even if I wanted to. I don’t want to. I want to be able to focus on other things too when I’m in a relationship. Needy guys make me feel trapped. When I feel trapped I start to pull away. Once I start to pull away the relationship is doomed. Don’t be needy please. :)
Psychos need not apply. Seriously, I have the worst luck when it comes to guys going completely nuts on me when the relationship ends and in a couple of cases, while we were dating. I don’t try to date these kinds of guys, but nevertheless I keep ending up with them. My ability to read psychos before I date them is clearly lacking.
I am who I am. I don’t ever pretend to be someone I am not. If a guy is going to pretend to be someone he isn’t OR if he is going to pretend he is okay with who I am when he really isn’t, I don’t want him. I will always tell a guy up front what kind of person I am so that he can decide if how I am is a right fit for him. Lately I’ve had a problem with guys saying that they are okay with how I am and then it turning out they weren’t really. That messes with my head. It makes me wonder if I’ll ever be good enough for someone. Plus I don’t like guys trying to change me, especially when they try to do so under the guise of compromising. If you don’t like who I am don’t date me. I am who I am and I’m not going to change for a guy.
I’ve recently come to a realization. I’ve only ever dated two guys who I thought were it for me. Obviously neither of the relationships worked out and most of you all know the reasons. I realized that in both relationships I never once had a single doubt about the relationship or the guy. I may be coming late to the party on this one, but I figure if I can find that again that is the guy I’m supposed to be with for a very long time.
I am looking for a guy that can make me laugh. I want a guy that I can be completely comfortable around. I want someone who wants to spend time with me, but doesn’t want to spend every single minute of his free time with me. I want someone who doesn’t mind spending time with me when my kids are around. I want someone who is kind and loving. Someone who can joke around, but be serious too. I want someone who cares about what I have to say when I do actually want to talk. ;) I want someone who doesn’t always need to be talking to me; someone who is okay with sitting in silence occasionally. I want someone who wants to be with me because of who I am. I want someone who is faithful. I want someone who is good in bed, ha. Most importantly I want someone who is going to be honest with me.
Deal breakers:
1. Cheating. If a guy cheats on me we are done. I will not ever forgive that.
2. Lying. If I can’t trust a guy it definitely won’t work.
3. Abuse of any kind to me or my kids. No explanation needed.
4. A guy who threatens to breakup with you every time he doesn’t like something you say or you do. I went through that with Jeff and it drove me nuts. I’m not ever going to deal with that again.
The most important thing I need in a relationship is complete honesty. I have to be able to trust the guy I am with. If he lies to me (no matter how small the lie is) I’m going to have a problem with him. This clearly comes from my trust issues. They are huge, let me tell you. I’ve been lied to so many times in the past that I’m not sure I can even trust anyone anymore. I’ve always gone into new relationships telling myself that I need to ignore my trust issues. I need to not expect the guy to lie to me. I’m often surprised with myself, but I have always managed to push my trust issues to the back of my mind and to not let them interfere with the relationship. Of course, most of those relationships left me with bigger trust issues, but I’d still keep on ignoring them. However, after my last relationship I’m not sure it’s possible to do that anymore. I think this guy was finally the guy who completely shattered my trust and ruined my ability to ignore my trust issues anymore. So, if I am to ever get into another relationship that guy is going to have to prove to me that he won’t lie to me before I even consider dating him.
The needy need not apply. I do not do well at all with needy guys. If a guy wants someone to pay attention to him and to coddle him 24/7, I am definitely not the woman he wants. Even if I wanted to I couldn’t give someone my full attention 24/7 – I have kids for crap sakes! Notice I said even if I wanted to. I don’t want to. I want to be able to focus on other things too when I’m in a relationship. Needy guys make me feel trapped. When I feel trapped I start to pull away. Once I start to pull away the relationship is doomed. Don’t be needy please. :)
Psychos need not apply. Seriously, I have the worst luck when it comes to guys going completely nuts on me when the relationship ends and in a couple of cases, while we were dating. I don’t try to date these kinds of guys, but nevertheless I keep ending up with them. My ability to read psychos before I date them is clearly lacking.
I am who I am. I don’t ever pretend to be someone I am not. If a guy is going to pretend to be someone he isn’t OR if he is going to pretend he is okay with who I am when he really isn’t, I don’t want him. I will always tell a guy up front what kind of person I am so that he can decide if how I am is a right fit for him. Lately I’ve had a problem with guys saying that they are okay with how I am and then it turning out they weren’t really. That messes with my head. It makes me wonder if I’ll ever be good enough for someone. Plus I don’t like guys trying to change me, especially when they try to do so under the guise of compromising. If you don’t like who I am don’t date me. I am who I am and I’m not going to change for a guy.
I’ve recently come to a realization. I’ve only ever dated two guys who I thought were it for me. Obviously neither of the relationships worked out and most of you all know the reasons. I realized that in both relationships I never once had a single doubt about the relationship or the guy. I may be coming late to the party on this one, but I figure if I can find that again that is the guy I’m supposed to be with for a very long time.
I am looking for a guy that can make me laugh. I want a guy that I can be completely comfortable around. I want someone who wants to spend time with me, but doesn’t want to spend every single minute of his free time with me. I want someone who doesn’t mind spending time with me when my kids are around. I want someone who is kind and loving. Someone who can joke around, but be serious too. I want someone who cares about what I have to say when I do actually want to talk. ;) I want someone who doesn’t always need to be talking to me; someone who is okay with sitting in silence occasionally. I want someone who wants to be with me because of who I am. I want someone who is faithful. I want someone who is good in bed, ha. Most importantly I want someone who is going to be honest with me.
Deal breakers:
1. Cheating. If a guy cheats on me we are done. I will not ever forgive that.
2. Lying. If I can’t trust a guy it definitely won’t work.
3. Abuse of any kind to me or my kids. No explanation needed.
4. A guy who threatens to breakup with you every time he doesn’t like something you say or you do. I went through that with Jeff and it drove me nuts. I’m not ever going to deal with that again.