sitaangel: (Default)
I have this theory about what I call perfect moments. To me perfect moments are the moments in time that after they happen, you say to yourself that was perfect. Other people might have a different definition of perfect. To me, when I say something was perfect it means that no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn’t be able to recreate that moment.

My theory is simple: It’s the perfect moments in life that make life truly worth living for. That’s not to say that I think perfect moments are the only thing worth living for. Everyone has good times or good moments that make life worth living, but I think it’s the perfect moments that are most cherished. Perfect moments for me come far and few, but I look forward to the perfect moments to come and I cherish the ones I’ve already had.

These moments can happen with anyone or anything. They are perfect for what they are. Some of my perfect moments:

• When Dave and I were dating I went to his house one night to visit him. He was out in his garage fixing a lawn mower. I sat and talked to him while he worked. At one point a song came on the radio and he knew it was a song (Crash and Burn by Savage Garden) I liked. He asked me to dance and we danced. Dancing in his garage with him was a perfect moment. I could dance with a hundred times with someone in their garage and none of those times would come close to the time I danced with Dave.

• The kids and I were home alone one night. It was during the winter. The snow on the ground made it seem less dark outside. We turned off all the lights in the house and went around in the dark trying to scare each other. This was the first time we had done this and it was one of my perfect moments. We have since done the same thing many, many times, but none of those times have ever come close to that first time.


• Watching a TV show about the Great Wall of China on the history channel with my friend Mike. We added our own commentary to the show and to this day it still remains the most hilarious conversation I’ve ever had with anyone. It was a perfect moment. I suspect we could watch some other show someday, adding our own commentary to it and it wouldn’t be the same.

• When I visited Willie in South Carolina there was one night that we went out by ourselves. At one point we sat in his truck in a parking lot and just talked for a long time. Then he had gotten it in his head to show me a lake that he really liked going to. He didn’t tell me where we were going until we got there, but that only helped make it a perfect moment. That whole night was just a perfect moment.


• The first time I ever hung out with Jack alone after meeting him was a perfect moment. He came over and he brought books. I’d say he was a guy after my own heart, but well, he wasn’t. Hah. We decided to go out to eat for supper. We didn’t have any specific place in mind and we kind of just drove around aimlessly until we ended up in Black River Falls. Just driving around and sharing the music we like with each other was great. After we ate we went back to his house and just listened to more music. It just was a perfect night with someone who I would eventually consider a good friend.

And there you have it – a handful of my perfect moments. I only have a few others that I haven’t written about. As I said before, they come far and few in between for me. The last one I had was with Willie. I’m looking forward to the next moment I can look back on and say it was perfect.
sitaangel: (Default)
While I’m not sure where I should start, I guess this is as good of a place as any: lucid dreaming.

Until a few years ago I didn’t even know there was a word(s) to describe how I dream. Lucid dreaming is something I’ve always been able to do naturally. All my dreams have been lucid dreams ever since I can remember. I know I’m dreaming. I remember all my dreams. And I can control my dreams. I used to control my dreams almost all the time just because I could. Lately, I’ve realized my dreams are more fun if I just let them go where they may go, especially my crazy weird dreams.

I also have the ability to I guess you could say choose what I am going to dream about. It’s different than going to bed thinking about something and then ending up dreaming about that. I’m asleep and I just decide I want to dream about something specific. I can wake up in the middle of a dream and the next time I go to sleep I can pick up right where I left off in the dream if I wanted to. A few years ago I had this dream about cartoon dinosaurs taking over this city. Most of the people in the city were trying to get out, but I was with a group of people who weren’t going to be run out of the city by these dinosaurs and so we all decided to go bar hopping. I had the same dream a few months later, but this time I was trying to get out of the city. Ever since then I’ve made it a reoccurring dream and have made it my mission to explore every single building in this city. I’m about a third of the way through the city and so far every single building has been a bar or restaurant. And despite some close calls, the cartoon dinosaurs haven’t gotten me yet.

I dream very vividly and my dreams feel so real. I’ll wake up in the mornings and my dreams feel like they actually happened the day or night before. Of course, with my crazy weird dreams I know they didn’t really happen. But, sometimes when my dreams are absolutely normal I’ll wake up the next morning and it will take me a while to figure out if it was something that actually happened or if it was something I just dreamt.

All my dreams may feel real, but I have these dreams that I call my ‘real dreams’. These dreams feel real like all the rest, but they feel real in a different sort of way. I can’t really explain how. I just know when I have one of these dreams they are different than the rest of my dreams.

Thirteen years ago I lived in La Crosse for a while. I didn’t have a car at the time so I had to take the bus to work. One night I had a dream that I woke up late one morning and missed the bus I had to take to get to work on time. I was at the bus stop waiting for the next bus when three people came up and asked me if the bus had come yet. I told them I hoped it hadn’t because I’m late for work. They told me they hoped so too because they were really late for work. They should have caught the bus before the one I needed to get on normally. I was so surprised when they walked up because these people were people I actually worked with and didn’t even know they lived in the same area as me. Anyhow, the morning after I had that dream I woke up…late. I missed the bus I was suppose to take and was waiting for the next bus to come when three people walked up and asked me if the bus had come yet. I told them I hoped it hadn’t because I’m late for work. They told me they hoped so too because they were really late for work. It was about then I realized I dreamed this happening the night before. It kind of scared the crap out of me at first, ha. Ever since then I continually have dreams that end up actually happening. It’s never anything big or important. I’ll dream about a conversation I have with someone or going out to eat with someone or running into someone I haven’t seen in a long while, etc. These dreams feel different and so when I have one, it’ll get written down in a separate notebook. When the dream actually happens I’ll go back and write down when it happened.

This concludes my Dreams Edition Part 1. I have more to write about my dreams, but I don’t want everyone thinking I’m crazy, so the rest of it will get its own entry that won’t be posted to my dreamwidth account.

If you dream you fall off a cliff and watch yourself hit bottom, you don’t really die. I pushed myself off a cliff once to see what would happen..
sitaangel: (Default)
I’ve been saying it for a long, long time now that I need to write this particular edition of my Who Am I series. There have been things that have happened in the past that have pissed me off enough to say I was going to write this, but not enough to actually make me write this. I think I’ve been avoiding writing about my views on cheating because I don’t want to come across as some harsh, unforgiving bitch. Unfortunately, I guess that is exactly what I am when it comes to what I think about cheating. Recent events have gone completely beyond pissing me off. So much so, that I’m writing this now. If people want to think I’m a bitch, let’s make sure they think I’m a bitch for all the right reasons and not the wrong reasons. ;)

Where oh where to start? I suppose this is as good as any place to start: Once a cheater, always a cheater. No one will ever be able to convince me otherwise. Every person I have ever known who has cheated on someone has always done it again. Now, I know there very well could be the rare people out there who have cheated and then never done it again, but I’ve never known anyone like that. And so, I’d rather be safe than sorry. I will never ever date a guy that has cheated in the past. He could be the nicest guy in the world, but if he’s cheated in the past it’s likely he’ll do it again. I don’t want to ever put myself into the position of getting cheated on again if I can help it.

Cheating is wrong. It’s as wrong as wrong can get. There is no fucking excuse for it. If you want to sleep with someone outside of your relationship, breakup or divorce or whatever before you start sleeping with other people. It’s pretty simple, folks. If you want to sleep with other people outside of your relationship, then there is probably something wrong with the relationship. You need to either fucking fix it or get the hell out. There is no gray area as far as I am concerned. (If it’s an open relationship then clearly that changes things. I’m just talking solely about monogamous relationships.)

I’ve always said I would never cheat on anyone because it’s just wrong. I can’t stress enough how I so strongly believe in its wrongness. I don’t know, I guess someone raised me right. ;) When I first got cheated on I had a new reason for not cheating on anyone. Yes, it’s still completely and utterly wrong, but the way I felt when I found out – I NEVER want to make anyone feel that way or to be a part of making someone feel that way. I’ve had a lot of heartbreak and pain in my life. The way I felt after I found out the guy I had been dating slept with someone else was the worst thing I have ever felt. I would rather deal with the pain of losing someone I cared deeply about to death than to feel like I did after I had been cheated on. I’m not a mean person. I’m not a horrible person. I don’t like hurting people. So, guess what? I have no desire whatsoever to put anyone through that kind of pain. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

I hate people who cheat. People who think it is okay to cheat even. I’ve been hit on guys who have been in relationships at the time and I have laid into them for it. If you are an unavailable guy and hit on me I am going to give you a piece of my mind. I will tell you exactly what I think of you and you are likely not going to like me very much afterward. I can point you in the direction of a lot of guys who know that all too well, trust me. A few years back some random guy downtown hit on me even though he had a girlfriend. I gave him a piece of my mind and told him what a low life he was. After that I’d occasionally see him downtown and every time he saw me he’d get as far away from me as he could. That always made me laugh. There was another time when this guy was hitting on me and a friend of his girlfriend saw the whole thing go down – him hitting on me, me bitching him out. This friend told his girlfriend and she actually came up to me and thanked me. I told her there was no need to thank me, but she should probably dump his ass. I wonder if she ever did.. But anyways, I’m getting off track.

If you cheat on someone you should never be forgiven. As far as I am concerned cheating is unforgivable. I honestly don’t understand how some people can forgive someone who has cheated on them. I really don’t. It is one of the worst things you can do to someone. If you cheat on me I’ll hate you for the rest of my life. If you try to cheat on someone with me I’ll hate you even more. I have never been like that and I never will be. I’ll wish all kinds of bad things on you for thinking I’d be like that. :)

Now to the people who think bad things are going on when they aren’t. Say you have two people talking and one is in a relationship while the other is not. Then you have people, who for whatever reason, think something bad is going on because these two people are talking. I hate those kinds of people almost as much as I hate people who cheat. Are their lives so miserable that they have to assume the worst of everyone? Or are they so miserable that they have to cause problems with others to make themselves feel better about their own lives? That’s no way to be, people. It’s those kinds of people who give good people a bad name. It makes it real difficult for the good ones to be happy because now they have to deal with people who want to cause drama in your life and for no good reason whatsoever. To those people: grow the hell up.

And to all the cheaters out there: Go to hell. ;)
sitaangel: (Default)
For the longest time I was never extremely picky about what I looked for in a guy. When that didn’t work out so well for me I decided to try and be extremely picky. Well, that ended up not working out so well for me either. Haha. As the years go by I’ve slowly started to realize more and more what I’m looking for. I do believe I’m not to the point where I know with 100% certainty what I want, but for now the following is what I want or need in a relationship or in a guy.

The most important thing I need in a relationship is complete honesty. I have to be able to trust the guy I am with. If he lies to me (no matter how small the lie is) I’m going to have a problem with him. This clearly comes from my trust issues. They are huge, let me tell you. I’ve been lied to so many times in the past that I’m not sure I can even trust anyone anymore. I’ve always gone into new relationships telling myself that I need to ignore my trust issues. I need to not expect the guy to lie to me. I’m often surprised with myself, but I have always managed to push my trust issues to the back of my mind and to not let them interfere with the relationship. Of course, most of those relationships left me with bigger trust issues, but I’d still keep on ignoring them. However, after my last relationship I’m not sure it’s possible to do that anymore. I think this guy was finally the guy who completely shattered my trust and ruined my ability to ignore my trust issues anymore. So, if I am to ever get into another relationship that guy is going to have to prove to me that he won’t lie to me before I even consider dating him.

The needy need not apply. I do not do well at all with needy guys. If a guy wants someone to pay attention to him and to coddle him 24/7, I am definitely not the woman he wants. Even if I wanted to I couldn’t give someone my full attention 24/7 – I have kids for crap sakes! Notice I said even if I wanted to. I don’t want to. I want to be able to focus on other things too when I’m in a relationship. Needy guys make me feel trapped. When I feel trapped I start to pull away. Once I start to pull away the relationship is doomed. Don’t be needy please. :)

Psychos need not apply. Seriously, I have the worst luck when it comes to guys going completely nuts on me when the relationship ends and in a couple of cases, while we were dating. I don’t try to date these kinds of guys, but nevertheless I keep ending up with them. My ability to read psychos before I date them is clearly lacking.

I am who I am. I don’t ever pretend to be someone I am not. If a guy is going to pretend to be someone he isn’t OR if he is going to pretend he is okay with who I am when he really isn’t, I don’t want him. I will always tell a guy up front what kind of person I am so that he can decide if how I am is a right fit for him. Lately I’ve had a problem with guys saying that they are okay with how I am and then it turning out they weren’t really. That messes with my head. It makes me wonder if I’ll ever be good enough for someone. Plus I don’t like guys trying to change me, especially when they try to do so under the guise of compromising. If you don’t like who I am don’t date me. I am who I am and I’m not going to change for a guy.

I’ve recently come to a realization. I’ve only ever dated two guys who I thought were it for me. Obviously neither of the relationships worked out and most of you all know the reasons. I realized that in both relationships I never once had a single doubt about the relationship or the guy. I may be coming late to the party on this one, but I figure if I can find that again that is the guy I’m supposed to be with for a very long time.

I am looking for a guy that can make me laugh. I want a guy that I can be completely comfortable around. I want someone who wants to spend time with me, but doesn’t want to spend every single minute of his free time with me. I want someone who doesn’t mind spending time with me when my kids are around. I want someone who is kind and loving. Someone who can joke around, but be serious too. I want someone who cares about what I have to say when I do actually want to talk. ;) I want someone who doesn’t always need to be talking to me; someone who is okay with sitting in silence occasionally. I want someone who wants to be with me because of who I am. I want someone who is faithful. I want someone who is good in bed, ha. Most importantly I want someone who is going to be honest with me.

Deal breakers:

1. Cheating. If a guy cheats on me we are done. I will not ever forgive that.
2. Lying. If I can’t trust a guy it definitely won’t work.
3. Abuse of any kind to me or my kids. No explanation needed.
4. A guy who threatens to breakup with you every time he doesn’t like something you say or you do. I went through that with Jeff and it drove me nuts. I’m not ever going to deal with that again.
sitaangel: (Default)
Over two years ago I wrote the first Love Edition of my Who Am I series. In the two years and some odd months I’ve tried and failed to get into a relationship with a guy, gotten my heart broken, and dated a couple complete asses. What have I learned from those relationships?

1. No matter how much you want to be with someone, it doesn’t mean that you will be. Accept that before you end up getting hurt.

2. Just because someone is the one for you doesn’t mean you are the one of them.

3. Don’t ever date anyone with tons of issues that will affect the relationship. You’ll just end up banging your head against the wall more than you ever thought you would.

4. Everyone and their brother can tell you a guy is a great, nice guy, but that doesn’t mean crap. Apparently even a so-called “nice guy” can be a complete psycho.

Now where do these past relationships leave me? In some ways they leave me wondering why the hell I’m even trying anymore. But, it only makes me wonder that briefly. I’ll think that and then right after I remind myself that I keep trying because I’m not ready to accept that I’ll end up alone for the rest of my life. I really don’t want that so I keep trying.

So, yes, I still believe in a happy ever after that has love in it. I still believe that it will be very, very hard, but well worth it in the end. Yet, my view on it has also changed a bit. When I wrote the last edition I realized that maybe the reason my relationships weren’t working out was because I refused to let these guys get close to me. I’d hold them at a distance. Sure, I’d let myself fall in love with some of them, but never as in love as I could be. I did this so that if (when) the relationship didn’t work out I wouldn’t be horribly hurt. I decided that what I needed to do was let someone get close to me. I tried that with the guy I couldn’t get into a relationship with. I let him close to me while he was too afraid to let me get close to him. As a result I ended up getting hurt even though I never even dated him. Even so, I decided to let another guy get close to me. That didn’t work out so well either and I ended up getting my heart torn out. After that, I said screw it. I can’t deal with being hurt like this over and over. So the last two relationships I didn’t let the guys get close to me and I didn’t get hurt. Now I’m single again and I’m back to do I try to let someone close to me or not again.

I know in order to get my happy ever after I do have to eventually let someone close to me. But, for now I’ve got a wall that’s a mile high up around me. I shall still look for love, but I have to say I’m more jaded about it.

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. ~ Matt Groening

That above, is where the past two years has left me.
sitaangel: (Default)
So, here I was writing out my who am I post about the type of guy I find myself drawn to. In writing about that I had to write a bit about being shy and I finally figured the whole shy part should probably be in its own little post.

Last night I went out with mum and Doris. At one point Doris had asked me if my mum had ever told me the story she told mum about Nathan (Doris’ grandson). In particular what Nathan had said about me. At first I had no idea what she was talking about, but as soon as she started telling me I realized mum had in fact already told me this (a long time ago). Way back when I was little I had spent a lot of time playing with Nathan. Mum was still working at the newspaper in West Salem and thus she was still working with Doris. Both Nathan and I were close in age, so I guess it was natural they would set up play dates (for a lack of a better word) for us. Hmm, I think it was probably a couple years ago that Nathan had told Doris that if I had only talked more, he could have very well seen himself end up with me. Ha! I just did not talk all that much to him. That is how I was when I was little, though.

When I was little I seriously would not talk to anyone who wasn’t in my immediate family. I was that shy. The teachers could never get me to talk in school and often mentioned it to my mum during conferences. She, of course, would just laugh because at home you couldn’t shut me up. I still remember the night I was quiet for five minutes at dinner and my dad made a huge deal out of it. I didn’t talk all day in school, so I had to get all my talking done at home and before bed. And, well, even then I’d talk in my sleep. Haha.

If you know me now, you know that I’m not nearly that shy anymore, thank goddess. Over the years I slowly got better about talking to other people. First it was family friends and well, teachers in school. For the longest time, however; I had the hardest time talking to strangers. I don’t think it really was until I started working at Burger King (junior in high school) that I started getting more comfortable talking to strangers. That came about because of the people I worked with and ended up hanging out with a lot. They were all outgoing and they weren’t going to let me get away with being shy.

As the years have gone on from there I’ve gotten better and better about not being shy. I honestly don’t think I’m that shy anymore. Yes, I’m still a little uncomfortable around people I don’t know and I might not talk a lot to people I don’t know. It’s not that way with all strangers though. It really depends on the person. I find I have no problems talking to some people, while others it might take me a while to warm up to them. Well, unless I’ve had a couple of beers in me. Then I’ll talk to anyone and not have a single problem with it. Haha. I’m quiet compared to someone who is more outgoing, but a lot of people can’t really tell it’s because I might be shy.

I’ve never really met anyone who had a problem with me being on the quiet side. That is until Willie. I guess in the end he had a problem with it. I guess he felt like he had to apologize for me not talking a lot while I was down there visiting him over Christmas. That kind of makes me paranoid now. I am not that quiet of a person unless you are a complete stranger (and I haven’t been drinking or I haven’t taken an instant liking to you). Now I just can’t help but think maybe I am entirely way too quiet. And as stupid as it is, that just makes me not want to talk to anyone I don’t know. If I don’t talk to them at all then they aren’t going to talk to me obviously. Then I won’t have to explain to them that I am a somewhat quiet person and it takes me a while to warm up to certain people. But, once I get to know someone I have no problems talking to them a lot. And I won’t have to worry about them deciding down the road that I am too quiet for them. *sighs*

Yes, I’m still a bit shy. Not so much anymore that people really notice it. I just come off as a quiet person. It’s not like I don’t talk to people I don’t know at all. If they start a conversation with me, I’ll talk back to them. I just generally don’t start a conversation with someone I don’t know unless I’m comfortable with them. That is all my shyness is now.
sitaangel: (Default)
First I would like to say this is not where I analyze my life according to this. I am just going to write down what it says about each aspect. I do think a lot of it is accurate to who I am. And away we go…

New Year: 8-East

Years Ruled by the East

The East is the direction that symbolizes the energy behind the “coming into existence” of something. For those born during a year ruled by the East, life itself is an opportunity to demonstrate self-worth and to celebrate individual existence. These years are ones of firsts and new beginnings. Most people born in these years, and especially those who rise to prominence, are self-starters and activists. They tend to be competitive and self-involved. They work hard at being progressive, often standing at the forefront of any movement they are a part of. In world events, these years include bold initiatives. They are times when the world moves forward into uncharted territory or gathers to celebrate the power of creativity.

Day Sign: 8-Ahau

Ahau-South

Symbolism: The Mayan name for this day sign was Ahau (ah-HAW), which means lord or chief. The glyph for the day is sometimes a four-petaled flower though it also appears as a face. To the Maya, the flower was a symbol of the lord or sun, and this was its day.

Personality: Ahau types are loving, devoted, artistic, dreamy, and romantic. They can be loyal friends and lovers, but often suffer in relationships because of unrealistic expectations. They are extremely devoted to others, including friends and lovers, and are hurt badly when they are left for another. Ahau types have a beautiful vision of what life, and most importantly what life with another, can be. In some cases, an obsession with the future and with some kind of ultimate perfection generates illusions, fuels unrealistic expectations, and brings about disappointments. In other cases, Ahau types will live a life dedicated to an ideal, and they will accomplish much, sometimes changing the world in the process. Art and beauty draw the interest of those born under this day-sign. Many become successful artists, writers, or craftspeople who produce decorative, aesthetically pleasing products. Ahau types are generally intelligent and hard-working, but they can also be stubborn and uncompromising. One major problem is their unwillingness to compromise their ideals. Ahau types are determined people who would rather not participate than have to accept a less-than-perfect situation. Ahau is a sign that needs to combine realism and idealism, and when this compromise is able to be made, their doors will open to a more perfect world.

Challenge: To handle disappointments due to unrealistic expectations; to accept a world that is not up to their hopes and wishes; to tolerate unfairness in others.

Solution: To keep life simple and to appreciate the little things.

Trecena: 1-Ben

Personal: Beneath the 1-Ben surface personality is a person who seeks constant self-improvement. Such people have a strong need to persuade others, to conquer their enemies, and to achieve their objectives. While they make good teachers and role models, they also have a tendency to be somewhat self-righteous and overconfident of their own opinions.

Societal: Ben is a time for making rulings, judgments, and decrees, settling treaties, promoting ideas, airing opinions, and debating policies. In ancient times it was considered an unfortunate period, probably because having people express their own ideas was not acceptable in a tightly controlled society.

Night Lord: G-8

Those born here tend to have over-stimulated minds and are often obsessive talkers, in some cases being counselors or psychologists. They are complex people who learn to face the inner world and who know how to get to the center of things. They are drawn to the deeper, darker sides of life, and are sometimes caught up in struggles with negative thoughts – their own or those of others. This tendency means a G-8 might choose a career as a psychotherapist or an investigator. This type reacts to stimuli very quickly, perhaps over-reacting some of the time. G-8 people are very clever, quick of mind, and fast on their feet. This facility may be a boon in situations where decisiveness is valued, but it can cause trouble under more controlled conditions. Their need to talk is strong, and their powerful intellect is best used for research or investigation. One of their challenges is that they need to learn how to study effectively. In addition, they need to be physically active by walking, running, or riding. The planet Mercury, the sign Gemini, and an emphasized ninth house are commonly found in the charts of those born here.

Venus Phase: Morning Star

Morning Star – East

This phase, which spans 236 days, follows the inferior conjunction and precedes the superior conjunction phase. Persons born during it are like the inferior conjunction types in that they might be described as having youthful emotions and feelings. They are interested in the world and in the other people and go out to meet them. They act first, evaluate later. Their warmth of feeling and willingness to join in with others makes them popular, unless others reject some of their more radical social initiatives. Ultimately, it is their feelings that move them to action and these feelings also allow them to make instant evaluations. Underneath it all, they are individuals who test society’s limits. Their personal vision dries their sense of purpose and motivations in life. But, in their enthusiasm for life, they may occasionally make some serious mistakes. They need to remember to consider others’ perspectives before acting on their instincts and putting their emotional energy into action. These creative people respond to a deep and very personal voice. In some cases, the rules of society may severely limit their initiatives, resulting in experiences of defeat and disillusionment. Positively, and with persistence, these people may eventually succeed in impressing something of themselves onto the world, changing it for the better. All of the above is especially true for those born at the greatest elongation, when Venus is farthest from the sun, about two months after the inferior conjunction.
sitaangel: (Default)
Yeah.. I wasn't going to make this a part of my Who Am I series, but eh, I figured why not.

~*~

I flew once.

Love has been the best thing ever and the worst thing ever. It had me flying and it destroyed me. Love has broken me on more than one occasion. I have ended up in some very dark places because of love. I have gone to hell and back (a couple of times) for love. Love has sent me to my hell, but it has also brought me back.

Love and I have a love-hate relationship. Ha! I've spent a lot of time and effort on looking for love again, but have never really been sure I should be looking for it. Do I really want to find something that could destroy me again? I may often wonder this and question it, but my answer to that will always be yes. Love is very much worth the pain and it makes life all the better.

I took a quiz a while ago and the results came back as me being innocent in the ways of love. Innocent as in still believing in happy ever after. As is the big bad world hasn't yet jaded my view on love. As in love hasn't hurt me yet and thus I'm still very optimistic about it. Of course, I laughed at that. I am so not even remotely innocent in regards to love (or anything else!). However, the longer I dwell on it, the more I've realized that I shouldn't really be laughing. It is accurate to a certain extent. I am not innocent. I know the truth about love - love isn't easy and it will hurt you. But I am optimistic. I kind of have to be. I had a true love once, so it does exist. It was great while it lasted. And then it was gone. The love that was great tore me apart. It broke me. I fell back down to earth and had to find a way to pick up the pieces and move on. One of those ways I was able to do that? - I had to be optimistic. I had to believe I would find a love that was true again some day. If I didn't all I would have left to believe in is a very lonely future. My future is me being alone? Yeah.. That is something I didn't and won't ever accept. And so, despite it all, I still believe in a love. A love that won't hurt me.

I may not believe in the happy ever after that little girls believe in. Or even the happy ever after the less jaded believe in. But I do believe in a happy ever after that has love and while it may be hard it will be very, very much worth it in the end. After everything, I deserve that. We deserve that. It will be so. Hell, everyone deserves that.

The quiz also said I deserved a unicorn.. I'd have to agree with that!
sitaangel: (Default)
I only go 5mph over the speed limit with two exceptions.

The first exception is on the interstate. I start out only going 5 over, but eventually I get tired of cars passing me and I speed up. For some reason, I have issues with cars passing me. *shrugs*

The second exception is when I am going down big hills. (I consider Big Ole and Shefelbine Hill as big hills.) When going down hills I like to see how much speed the car picks up and how far I can go before slowing back down to 60mph.

Speaking of hills.. I hate it when people ride the brakes going down a hill. It bugs the hell out of me!

Old people love to try and run me off the road. Seriously. I can't even count, anymore, the number of times an old person has just about ran me off the road. Annoying.

I hate getting stuck behind slow drivers. However, when I'm riding with a person who drives slow, it doesn't bother me one bit.

In the winter I drive worse than a slow old person if there is even the slightest possibility the roads are bad. When the roads are slippery (even if its just the slightest bit) I go down big hills in first gear. Yep, 15mph. I use to be afraid to drive down big hills on slippery roads. Now I'm paranoid about driving up the hills. What if the road is too bad and I can't make it all the way up? I'd be stuck because I would be too scared to try to either turn around or back down. In the winter I only trust my own driving. This all stems from issues I got when I rolled my dad's bronco after hitting a patch of black ice the first winter I had my license. Whoops.

Thankfully, I don't seem to have issues driving on wet roads this year like I did last summer.

My brother's driving - when he is in his own vehicle - scares the hell out of me.
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